As most parents know, disciplining your young child can feel like walking through a mine field, and sometimes we just want to avoid doing it. There are times when your child needs to be corrected, but there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.

A new University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children's Hospital National Poll on Children's Health looked at the methods most parents use to get a handle on their kid's behavior. In August 2024 they surveyed a randomly selected group of over 720 American moms and dads who were parents of at least one child between the ages of one and 17 years old who were living in their household.

“Discipline helps young children learn what behaviors are safe and appropriate and can play a crucial role in helping them learn the difference between right and wrong.”

The findings suggest that disciplining kids takes a toll on parents and children alike.

One in four parents said they have threatened their three- to five-year-olds with no Christmas presents or no dessert or taking away toys and leaving an activity early.

Forty percent of the parents surveyed said they had spanked their child under the age of five for being naughty. More than half had resorted to bribes.

“Discipline helps young children learn what behaviors are safe and appropriate and can play a crucial role in helping them learn the difference between right and wrong,” the Poll's co-director, Susan Woolford, MD, said in a press release.

“Empty threats, however, undermine trust and credibility and aren't usually effective,” added Woolford, an Associate Professor at University of Michigan Health with a specialty in Primary Care, Pediatrics. “Positive reinforcement and consistent discipline are more likely to shape long term behavior.”

The key is consistency. While half of the parents polled rated themselves as very consistent when it came to disciplining their kids, many admitted to struggling with consistency. A quarter of the parents acknowledged getting too irritated and reacting before remembering to use their strategies. Some said they were just too tired to be consistent.

Other reasons behind parents' inconsistent discipine at times included a child's being too young to reason with, strategies that didn't seem to be working or a situational crisis — such as trying to prevent a tantrum in public.

The best way to stick to a consistent approach is to have a plan in place. “It's important for parents to plan ahead and be on the same page with discipline to provide a foundation for understanding expectations and prevent sending mixed signals about boundaries,” Woolford said.

Age matters when it comes to discipline. Children ages one to two, Woolford points out, “are exploring their environment and willful behavior is rare.” That's why distraction and redirection are often most effective ways to deal with misbehavior. Parents of children in this age group who were polled were more likely to redirect their children's attention as a strategy.

Don't forget to balance corrections with positive reinforcement — like praise and reward. This approach helps kids build self-esteem while learning from their mistakes.

After age two, children understand their actions can cause a reaction from others and may increasingly test that out.

During these preschool ages, parents' strategies should emphasize logical consequences to misbehavior. For instance, if a child spills their drink out of anger, an appropriate response would be to have them clean up the mess. “Consequences should be immediate so the child understands the connection with their misbehavior,” Woodford said.

Parents of children aged three to five who were polled were more likely to use warnings, speak firmly and give timeouts.

Don't forget to balance corrections with positive reinforcement — like praise and reward. This approach helps kids build self-esteem while learning from their mistakes.

You can read the full Mott Poll Report on parental discipline here.